Savvy Singles Ask Samantha Bitter Divorcée - sending friendship down the drain dear samantha, “I have a lifelong childhood friend who has become so bitter since her divorce. I don’t feel I can abandon her now, but it’s been three years and she still wants to spend endless hours rehashing all the wrong things that were done to her. She just drains the energy right out of me, and I become depressed after spending time with her. What do I do?” —Worn to a Frazzle dear worn, While it’s true no one wants to be around a person who endlessly bemoans past injustices, as her lifelong friend, you can help her. She may be unaware that she is “stuck” playing that same old tape over and over. Sometimes we think that in order to be a good friend we have to exhibit endless sympathy. However, being a good friend also means sometimes taking a risk and confronting the issues. Perhaps you can remind your friend of Philippians 4:8, which admonishes us, “. . . if there be any praise, think on these things.” If, after talking to your friend and encouraging her to have a more positive outlook, she still refuses to change, you have the right to make your own decision about how much time you spend with her. For you to end up depressed and drained isn’t helpful for either of you. I once read a statement that I found very helpful in deciding who I spend time with. It said: “Go where you are celebrated.” To me, that means, “Go where you find friends who will build you up, affirm you, and make you laugh!” I try to be that kind of friend, too. So it goes both ways, doesn’t it? Unrequited Love dear samantha, I’ve dated this lady for two-and-a-half years and have loved her for a long time. I believe she is to be my future mate, but she doesn’t seem so sure. How long do I wait before moving on? I’m not getting any younger you know! —Waiting Game dear waiting, Sometimes I think it was simpler the way it was done in the Bible: The parents chose the mate for their children! Remember that even Abraham asked his servant to go back to his homeland and choose a wife for his son Isaac. He was afraid Isaac would choose one of the local heathen girls who wouldn’t be good for him. You don’t say, in your question, whether or not the lady you love is a Christian. That should be a huge factor in your decision. Do you go to the same church? Do you pray together? Can you discuss spiritual concepts with her? All are important things that should be part of your relationship, besides the fact you love her. Another thing I wonder about is whether she is a loving, giving person. Think back about the time you spend with her: Are you the one who is always expressing your love, your care, your concern for her well-being? Does she give to you emotionally? Remember: There are people in this world who are givers, and you seem to be one of those. But there are also people who are narcissistic and are takers. Is she that kind of person—a taker? If so, stop waiting and run for your life! With all of that in mind, it still gets down to what she thinks, doesn’t it? Twoand- a-half years is a long time to invest in a relationship, and she still doesn’t seem sure whether you two should get married. Frankly, if I were you, I’d move on and find someone who appreciates me and who thinks I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to them! What joy that would bring into your life if you had that kind of relationship instead of trying to convince someone to marry you. “Savvy Singles Ask Samantha” is written by Samantha Landy. She offers Biblical advice to help singles bring joy and significance to their lives. Samantha is a well-known speaker and writer. Among her many books are Savvy Senior Singles, Savvy Singles Handbook, and Savvy Senior Sabbaticals. Her new radio program, Sixty Seconds for Savvy Singles, is a daily spot of encouragement. Samantha also speaks and teaches at singles retreats and churches, as well as Significant Living conferences. To ask Samantha your questions, write her at savvysingles7@aol.com or P.O. Box 5097, La Quinta, CA 92248. Visit her website, www.samanthalandy.com.